Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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