I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
