you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize