I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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