therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
