That's intense
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
