Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I wear drunk well.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
