thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize