We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
