Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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