Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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