alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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