The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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