I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
