sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
