i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
