I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I showed him my bush... on skype.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
