I haven't been this sober since birth.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
