"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
