My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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