he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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