You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
