Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
