my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
