i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
