I'm pants shitting drunk right now
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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