Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You ruined the universe
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
