this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
