drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
