i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
