I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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