I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
