Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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