I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
