My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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