first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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