were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
