I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
