Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
