So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
