chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
