I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
