Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
