is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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