You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just gargled with NyQuil
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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