spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
