Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
