My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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