I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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