i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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