There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
