No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
