an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
