I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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