I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
In other news, I just burned my penis
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
