I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
