I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I supernannyed him into submission
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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