Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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