Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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