Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
