oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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