u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
