atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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