Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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