dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
