We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
