sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
